New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
