Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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