he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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