I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
