She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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