Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
