whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
