Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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