i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
