I just saw a hot homeless man
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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