WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
