i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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