it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
