Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
