its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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