dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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