Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
