so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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