do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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