Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
