just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
