I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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