Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
