its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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