mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
