Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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