you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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