Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
