the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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