I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
