who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
