Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
