My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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