so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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