just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
