you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
