Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
