He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just pee around me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
