it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
