Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
