We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
