need another drink. this is the easiest way
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
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