Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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