Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
