guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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