The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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