eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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