Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
