Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Come share oat with me in your robe
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