Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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