You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
