I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
