I wish I could punch you in the face.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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